College is admittedly difficult for everyone. It’s like jumping into a pool but you don’t truly know how to swim, so you hope that muscle memory will kick in and you can maybe dogpaddle off to the side. However, when you’re trans, you may not even have the chance to jump in the pool.
Before I had top surgery, swimming pools were a challenge. That’s the case for most transmen. I would tape my chest down with duct tape and throw on a shirt to cover my chest. I worried about my packer flying out of my swim trunks. Not to mention wet clothing clinging to my body, exposing everything I so desperately attempted to hide. It wasn’t until I began hormones and got top surgery that I felt comfortable enough to really jump in a pool.
Transitioning is almost considered a financial investment. It is an investment to be allowed to be yourself. Only 2mg of Testosterone costs $87. My top surgery costed a whopping $9,000 (and that isn’t including hotel fees, gas, or food). Personally, I have not had bottom surgery, but the cost of phalloplasty can be upwards of $100,000. Many transmen are forced to essentially place their lives on hold during this procedure. As a result, the cost of transitioning causes many transgender individuals to be faced with a decision: seek wholeness or seek education.
The decision to seek authenticity is not one to be determined by finances. Why is it that my able-bodied cis brothers are able to freely proceed to an education as themselves, when my trans brothers must shake out every penny simply to exist?
Now you may ask, “But Michael, if they really cared about their education, wouldn’t they be willing to make a sacrifice?”
Sacrificing your sense of identity is not a sacrifice one should have to face. End of story.
I began writing this blog post before I attended college, I was fresh out of high school and checking off what scholarships to apply to. It is now November, I’ve been a college student for almost an entire semester and I have faced a number of issues in regards to my identity. From being outed by peers to being unable to afford Testosterone, these were issues I did not plan on facing as I pursued my education. Yet here I am, hoping my check will go in on time for me to be able to pick up my testosterone before I leave for the holidays and they reshelf it. Here I am, wondering if I should return to my workplace due to people speculating about my identity. Here I am, anxious around my peers as my mind is flooded with thoughts of “do they know? Do they hate me now? Do they think I’m weird?”
Even if you think you won’t be affected, you will. I’ve had top surgery, I’ve been on hormones, I’ve had my information legally changed. I thought I was free, but I’m not. I’ve gone about a whole month without Testosterone now. It has effected me mentally and physically. I’m more tired, I feel drained and unmotivated. Not to mention it is finals week so feeling unmotivated isn’t really ideal. But with all of this said, I have to admit my privilege as a cis-passing transman. I have peers who are unable to afford HRT and others who still have to face unaccepting families.
Being transgender in college implies many hardships regardless of where one may be in their transition. This can range from microaggressions to hate crimes, from being winded from walking across campus with a binder to being unable to afford your own transitional care. We shouldn’t have to face these problems and yet we do. We face all of this for the sake of an education. However, on an optimistic note, I see that as resilience. Being a transgender college student means being resilient to your hardships. It means facing all of the issues presented and still trying your best to succeed because you are ambitious, you are hard-headed, you are determined to succeed.
The most you can do as a transgender student is hold your breath and jump into the pool. You may be shirtless; you may be binding. You’ll get water up your nose and the chlorine will burn your eyes. You’ll thrash around until suddenly you’re at the surface. It may not be a leisurely swim, you might be gasping for air, but you’ll survive. You persevere, because as a transgender person, persevering is what we do best.
If you are a transgender student and want to learn more about college experiences as a trans* person, or are seeking a possible scholarship resource, visit The #TransgenderFirst Scholarship page for more information.
Handbook for the Self Made 